"Show Trucks"

Allow me to take a break from stereotyping truck owners and digress on a bit of a rant:

More frustrating than the S.U.T, a lifted Tundra, or a four door F-250 with a cap is a show truck. Now before I begin bashing the show truck, I must say that I realize that not all truck owners truly need a truck. Most of us could do without them. I mean, I love my truck, but if I had to be practical, I could probably do just fine with a Volvo station wagon (shudders). Look at western Europe. You’d be hard-pressed to find even a compact pickup truck driving around Paris, or London, or Brussels (if you're into that sort of thing). The full-size pickup is pretty much relegated to farms over there (workers in the city drive vans). Part of this is because of higher fuel costs, but part of it is just culture. I think that even when gas does get up to $5 a gallon, you’ll still see plenty of full-size trucks driving around the states. Anyways, the point that I’m trying to make is that to varying degrees, most of us do not need trucks.

Our culture has accepted the pickup as a form of transportation. The common compact or full-size pickup is not considered a specialized piece of heavy equipment. But despite this, some trucks still do not fall into this category. A truck with duallies, a flatbed, a big truck for muddin’—all of these trucks have a specific primary purpose that does not include transporting people. When a person owns one of these specialized trucks and does not use it for its purpose, it becomes a fashion statement—no different than a torn pair of $300 jeans or a $700 pair of cowboy boots. And while you’re not likely to see a flatbed being driven around Baltimore as a fashion statement, it’s not rare to see a truck with duallies or a sparkling clean chromed out truck with a 18 inch lift driving around Tuscon. These trucks are “show trucks.”

This is the truck that inspired this rant:

(Editor's Note: The windshield says "Sassy Chassis")

While that is some sweet barbed wire, this truck is hideous. While I can't claim to know for sure what this truck is or is not used for, it seems pretty evident that this guy is not pulling a 10,000 lb horse trailer on his fifth wheel. This guy wants to look tough. He accessorized this thing like no truck I've seen before. If there was a place to attach white shit to this truck, this owner did it. From running boards to custom mirrors, to a windshield decal to window guards, this guy has it all. And man does it look bad.

Though trucks with duallies are the worst violators, any truck is being used as a fashion statement instead of its designed purpose is a show truck. Look at this Ram:

The amount of chrome on this thing is ridiculous. He's got a tailgate cover, exhaust tip, wheels, running boards, mirrors, door handles, and gas tank cover. He's even chromed out his taillights. Really? The tailgate light strip is also a crime. They don't belong on any truck. But this is a 4X4 heavy-duty.

The truck below is well on its way to being a show truck. The taillight covers show where this owner is headed. I'd like to see this thing in a year. I guarantee you'd be blinded by the chrome.

It's not that trucks shouldn't look good. A small amount of chrome can look nice, even tasteful. But we must keep in mind the purpose of the truck: work. When you take a heavy-duty truck and turn it into a $375 pair of Red Wing work boots, you're a just being obnoxious. We get it. You drive a large truck and have a small penis, no need to share.

If you're looking for show trucks on your own, just follow the chrome. Most of the time, this rule won't lead you astray.