Tundra Owners

Zack and I decided it would be fun to describe the typical owners of different trucks. This way, our new audience can see where we’re coming from when we describe Chevy owner as a redneck, a Ridgeline owner as confused, and a Ram owner as a dick. But instead of starting with the obvious Detroit three, I think I’ll start with the Toyota Tundra owner.

Generation 1 (2000-2006)

You see, the Tundra owner has evolved over the years with the design of the truck. The Tundra came out in 2000. This first gen of Tundras looks fine—fairly uninspired, yet not offensive. I’m not quite certain about the people that bought these Tundras. The American trucks at the time looked great, and they’d been in the full-size truck market for decades.

There are a couple exceptions to the boring Tundra rule. For example, I bet you didn’t know that they made a step-side Tundra. Yup, they did, and surprise, it's ugly. But most other Gen-1 Tundras were not so ugly.

I suppose the people that bought these Tundras were boring just like the design of the truck. They bought Tundras because they carried the Toyota badge, which implied reliability. You’ll almost never see any of these trucks lifted or with any offroad hardware attached to them. They’re all boring just like their owners. If the owner has done anything to these trucks, he's probably emasculated it by putting a cap on it. It's practical.

Rarely will these trucks venture outside of an urban area. They seem to popular in the Northeast and the West. Liberals buy them, because liberals hate America (Editor's note: liberals don't hate America, they just wish it wasn't so damn...American).

Also, they're great for taking home purchases from Ikea, like this awesome modular sofa set, the TYLÖSAND. I mean, how could he get an awesome purchase like that home without a truck?

Generation 2 2007-Present

These are the fun Tundras. After 6 years, it seems that Toyota got tired of making plain trucks. Taking a cue from Dodge, Toyota decided to make their Tundra bigger. They inflated the grill and brought the midline way up. No longer was the Tundra unassuming. It was now a big boy truck. And so the typical Tundra owner changed too.

Zack and I are in agreement that the new Tundra is by far the ugliest full-size truck out there today. The fact that Toyota thinks that the American market is after a truck like the new Tundra is frankly offensive. Anyhow, the new owners are oddballs. They want to look tough in their trucks, but they are also practical. Why else would you buy a full-size Toyota truck? Reliability seems to be the only draw from a performance standpoint.

So typically, you will see a 35-year-old businessman driving a Tundra. He’s got a wife and kids (that’s why he’s got the double cab, of course). He’ll tell you the reason he has a full-size truck is that he’s got a small ski-boat (or perhaps a pair of jet-skis) that he needs to pull to the lake a few weekends a year. In the fall and winter, he uses it to tailgate at the Ravens game. Instead of putting a hitch ball on the trailer hitch he has one of these awesome hitch mounted grills!

He’ll tell you about the one time when he was visiting his brother-in-law out in the boonies, he took it out on a dirt road. It ran like a dream! And when he got back to the city, he didn't wash it off for a week. Man did that dirt look good on it!

When it snows (a couple times a year) he likes to turn on the four-wheel drive and go to the grocery store to pick up Silk soymilk for his wife and a six-pack of craft brew for himself. Why? Because he can. Plus, he can then go to work the next day and tell everyone about how glad he is he owns a performance off-road machine. While all the civic owners were snowed in he went out to the grocery store.