The Sport Utility Truck

Although Jake and I seek to be known for our vague and condescending generalizations, I must jump on this opportunity to present to you a much more specific and accurate generalization - no, a fact: sport utility trucks are not pickup trucks. In America, this refers to (first and foremost) the Chevy Avalanche (along with its Cadillac and Hummer compadres), the Honda Ridgeline, and the Ford Explorer SportTrac (thank you Dodge for not jumping on this bandwagon!). As I said, these "trucks" are not pickups, and I would most certainly accept the El Camino into the pickup family tree before the "SUT" because it at least has the pickup spirit. For guidance on the pickup spirit as well as prominent examples of real pickup trucks, ask Joe Diffie.

Now that I've gotten that out of the way, let me talk about the driver of the typical Avalanche (patriotic version) or Ridgeline (unpatriotic version). I won't speak about the other SUT drivers for lack of experience. This man seeks what any man seeks in a truck - masculinity. The problem is that his wife (contact us immediately if you know of an unmarried man driving around in one of these) wants the unquestionable utility offered by a vehicle with a "U" in the acronym. This is a man who would just buy a truck and put a cap on it, but that's not good enough for her (unless they live in Maryland). It's either a Tahoe or an Avalanche, either a Pilot or a Ridgeline, so what's it gonna be? It's okay bud, we know what a man will do for love.

On a separate note, Ridgalanche drivers have no shortage of money to pay for these things. These vehicles are not cheap, and people who drive them really do tend to like them, even if they can't see anything out the rear window (you know what I'm talking about, Mr. Ridgalanche). These are some of the cleanest trucks on the road, and also some of the most likely to sport chrome wheels, but we'll save the discussion on 24's for a rainy day. This is also the type of person who does triathlons and wants you to know about it:

You probably can't read all three of the window stickers, but they are all triathlon related. Coincidentally, this is also the kind of guy who tends to put his initials on the license plate...if his wife will let him.

Just for fun, here's an SUT from the days of old, when you had to make your own:

Yes, it's a crappy phone camera picture, and yes, it's a Jeep Cherokee with what appears to be a three foot bed. Long live the SUT.