Getting Attention and Getting the Job Done (The Art of Ride Height)

Those who read our posts realize the theme rather quickly: pickup trucks are meant to be used. There is a fine line between taking care of your truck by spending money on it and turning your truck into something that it was never meant to be - an attention getter (1:13). We realize that a lot of the nation out there doesn't always read our commentary, so we always try to give you some entertaining pictures to look at. If you decide to read today's post, it's about how you can raise or lower your truck for both right and wrong reasons.

Now, we have all seen a lifted truck or two. The reason to lift a truck is for it to perform better off-road. If you see a lifted truck with chrome wheels, you should ask yourself, what's the utility of chrome wheels in mud? I have researched this question thoroughly (I ask it much more than I would like to), and I have come to this conclusion: there isn't any. Chrome wheels perform just as well off-road as rims without a shiny "look at me" finish. It is mind boggling but true.

Okay, so what do you ask yourself when you see a truck like this?



























What the heck is a Harley sticker doing on a school bus?! Well, maybe your first thought was different. Here are the rest of my thoughts: this truck cannot go off-road because it does not have a suspension lift; it has a body lift (one of the reasons it looks so ridiculous), and it probably weighs 10,000 pounds. This truck would still be great for pulling a large trailer, except it has a cap on the bed and therefore no fifth-wheel capability. It would be great for hauling stuff if it had a built-in loading platform so you could reach the bed from the ground. It would be great for carrying people (like a school bus) except that it has two seats. So what is it great for? Well, it got me to stop at this used car lot and take a picture!

I will rarely use a Dodge as an example, but here's a lifted truck that could actually go off-road if it ever wanted to (or needed to in the case of a zombie attack):

This is a Dodge Ram Power Wagon (from back in the day before Ram disowned Dodge or whatever). It is a factory off-road package (with a Hemi!). The truck has plenty of ground clearance with this lift, and it has black wheels that look tasteful without begging for your attention. The truck is not so high that you couldn't pull a trailer with it (although it is too high for most parking garages).

Now we'll explore the other end of the spectrum. Why would anyone want to lower a truck? The only reason we could find besides racing in NASCAR's Camping World Truck Series is, you guessed it, for attention. Here's what I'm talking about:

The only reason anyone would put big rig chrome wheels with low profile tires onto their lowered dually is to get attention. In this truck's defense, the colored parts of the front right quarter panel and tailgate appear to be from a full truck decal. If your truck is for "business," then getting attention is part of its job. But if you're just taking your amigos to Chick-fil-a (as I verified the case to be here) then you've got another thing coming.

Besides, if your truck is for business, it will get more attention with an animal print pattern - this is why women's lingerie is more likely to be zebra striped than white with chrome:

To quickly revisit the utility of lowering a truck, if you for some reason raced your truck on a track, it would be a good idea. Or, if you race your S-10 Xtreme down the interstate, lowering the truck will help it make those last minute lane changes without warning. That was this guy's plan:

...and look how it turned out for him. Tasteful and certainly not overdone. This is a true high performance machine. I was lucky to capture a picture considering the speed at which it was traveling.

Real Show Trucks

Now that we've taken care of some issues, we'll take some time to appreciate a few of America's nicest trucks. Now, we have talked about "show trucks" before (and trust us, we've seen plenty of good ones since then), but it's a breath of fresh air to see some real show trucks. The best show trucks are old trucks that are tired of doing work (if your truck hasn't paid its dues it does NOT need to have chrome wheels on it), and some of the most beautiful ones are hidden in the mountains of north Georgia. Here's a nice selection from a recent car show:

It's a rat rod and it still has more in its bed than a Maryland truck!

I believe this beautiful Ford won Best In Show (not just for the trucks!).

Here's a nice Chevy.

This is the oldest Dodge truck still on the road (that was a joke, although this is a Dodge).

A very cool old Ford. Please note that the newest of all these trucks is roughly 40 years old. That means that maybe in about 2050 your Ram Megacab will be a cool looking truck! Unfortunately, we will have no more gasoline then, and those of us left alive after World War III will be fighting for the land that remains after the ice caps melt. "Yeah, it's got a Hemi."

How (and How Not) to Tell the World You Are a Redneck with Your Pickup

In my last post I said that there is no such thing as a redneck from New Jersey. While I still stand by my assertion, it has, of late, been challenged.

You see, I was driving through a parking lot the other day when I saw a white Dodge—erm Ram—with a red “REDNECK” sticker on the tailgate. Now that alone was not surprising. There are, of course, plenty of rednecks that drive “goat trucks”, as I've heard them affectionately called. Similarly, it doesn't seem out of character for a Ram owner to want to tell the world how "country" he is. What was surprising was that below that aforementioned sticker was a license plate from the not-so-great-state of New Jersey:

Now I don’t know enough about this guy to say that he is not a redneck—really, I know nothing about him. But I can imagine that he is a bit insecure if he has to tell the world that he is a redneck with a sticker. It’s kind of like giving yourself a nickname: you just don’t do it. Being a redneck should be self-evident, but if it isn’t, then there are plenty of other ways to tell the world you are a redneck with a bit more tact.

They include the classic “3” license plate:

After all, what better way to show the world you’re a redneck than proclaiming your love for the redneck Christ-figure (Editor's Note: a true redneck would never compare Dale Earnhardt to Jesus...at least until he was a few drinks in).

You can also plaster the “Stars and Bars” on your truck:

(Editor's Note: this is not recommended in most areas unless you don't care about your paintjob.)

If you feel the need to put words on your truck, there are certain decals that say “Redneck” in subtler terms:

The simplest way, though, is to not put stickers on your truck at all, and instead to let your truck be its own redneck emblem:

Working with a Pickup Truck 101

Now that Jake has returned and we've both had plenty of time to capture some of Pickup Nation's greatest pickups, the time has come for another lesson. This lesson is simple: how to do work (and how NOT to do work) with your pickup truck. I will try to make this as clear as possible, but please send us any questions or concerns you have after reading this. This is very important.

How to do work:

If a tree falls on your tailgate, make the tree your tailgate.

How not to do work:

Tailgate extenders: God's gift to morons.

How to do work:

I don't know what the hell this guy does (other than "making ends meet"), but it's definitely work.

How not to do work:

Cool man. I bet your girlfriend loves it...oh you don't have one? Hmmm.

How to do work:

There's nothing wrong with using your tarp as a bed cover...

How not to do work:

...but there is something wrong with using your tarp as a bed cover and using your pickup as a trailer. For your Jeep.

How to do work:

Work trucks can be very useful...

How not to do work:

...but they can also be rendered useless.

How to do work:

Driving your Silverado on train tracks is cool...

How not to do work:

...pulling a train with your Silverado is not.

Questions?

The Return of Jake

It has been a while! I’m back though, and Zack has promised to post after I do, so I need to get something up. I’ve moved, and so has Zack, and we’re both convinced that we live in a better area for capturing great pickups. But let's get to it…

In my travels over the last few months I’ve capture pictures of a few real winners, but I don’t want to spoil you and dump them all on one post. Seeing as how the 4^th of July was a scant week ago, and PN didn’t post anything related to ‘merica, I think we're overdue for an ‘merican pride post.

Let’s start with this truck from the great state of New Jersey:

Now, the flag mural is a fairly common design on trucks. What makes this truck special is its chrome taillight protectors. The trash bag flapping in the wind holding who knows how many dead bodies is a nice touch. While there aren’t rednecks in NJ as far as I know, this truck would be at home on the turnpike, I think.

The next truck is one that I first saw a few days ago but was unable to capture in all of its glory until today. This truck is parked outside an auto repair ship, so I’m going to assume that it belongs to someone who works there. Anyways, this may be one of the best trucks that we have found in the short 6 month life of PN:

And that’s just the back end; check out the front:

This guy has accessorized the shit out of this thing, but undoubtedly what makes this truck a PN Hall of Famer is its paint job. Incredible. Not surprisingly, the driver is a Dale and Dale Jr. fan. I challenge anyone to find a more patriotic truck.

Bumper Stickers, etc.

In my months of observing the nation's pickups, I have seen many entertaining bumper stickers. Here I will bring up a few that stand out in my mind.

We have all seen cars plastered with bumper stickers. Usually the car is worth less than a tank of fuel (at today's prices, that includes quite a few cars) and the stickers say things like MAKE LOVE NOT WAR and HILLARY '12. But when you see a pickup covered in stickers, you can bet that it stands on the other side of the issues...especially when it has an American flag flying in the bed:

It's too bad the stickers are so hard to read here. Suffice it to say that they are all very witty (e.g. "Government Health Care Makes Me Sick") and very conservative. This is a true Tea Partier (is that the proper term?) and he is proud of it. We are proud of him for being proud. With people as strong in their beliefs and as unwilling to compromise them as this man, our Pickup Nation will no doubt last forever.

Here's one that worries me slightly more:

As the resident Chevy expert, I can tell you that Chevrolet has used the slogan "Heartbeat of America" in years past. It's pretty catchy and all, and lots of stickers, license plates, etc. are still around that say "Heartbeat" and things of that nature. Naturally, there are anti-Chevy stickers that might say something like, for example, "THE Heartbeat STOPS HERE!" Old Billy Badass put one on the back of his F-150, and Asshole Al put one on his Ram next to the "Yeah, it's got a Hemi" sticker. But it never occurred to me that Dumbass Dave would think it a good idea to put an anti-Chevy sticker on the back of his Silverado, right next to his gigantic red bowtie sticker. Nicely done, Dave. At least some people will see the humor in your mistake.

And lastly, this gem continues to baffle me:

On this Tacoma, there is a large picture of a Concorde (supersonic airliner) on the tailgate, and the license plate says TAKEOFF. I just wonder how this person came to be so attached to a now-retired airplane or to aviation in general. I will probably ponder the meaning of this pickup truck's decorations for the rest of my life, but something tells me I'm overthinking it. To each his own, as they say. (There is also a sticker in the window that says "WAR: it doesn't decide who's right, only who's left." I'll save that one for another day.)

In Search of Pickup Life

Lately I have been pondering the potential life span of a blog written entirely about pickup trucks. In fact, you, the reader, may have wondered if indeed our documentation of this great Pickup Nation was complete. I am pleased to tell you (after quite a while of telling you nothing) that as long as people drive pickup trucks, we will write about them. "We" is currently me, as Jake's in Canada hunting polar bears or something.

Regardless, I came to this conclusion while taking a short road trip from Atlanta to Nashville (not as short as you might think). This region is known not just for country music and whiskey but for its pickup trucks.  All my doubts about the nation were erased when I rolled into Nashville:

As bad as the picture is, you can clearly see a Ford jacked to the sky with huge exhaust pipes exhaling into the heavens above. As long as this truck is on the road, Pickup Nation will remain free. This picture will forever remind me of the day when I rediscovered our great nation.

On the whole, my trip opened my eyes to the pickups that are all around me, like this fuchsia colored S-10:

...and this beautiful step-side Chevy with a fade paint job:

This Ranger wasn't built for show:

...and neither was its big brother:

Perhaps my favorite truck, though, was this old flatbed with a style all its own:

What keeps all these pickup drivers going? I don't know, but I can tell you what doesn't: ethanol! In the deepest reaches of Pickup Nation, ethanol belongs only in a mason jar and is consumed only by the men. Companies that try to sneak it into gasoline (thereby hurting fuel economy AND wasting good moonshine) are NOT welcome in these parts. In the words of a country song, "we don't buy that here:"

My favorite gas station sign from the trip has nothing to do with pickup trucks, but a PSA from Mr. Toilet Paper is almost as important:

...and yes, the restroom was clean. Damn clean.

Ugly Caps Part II

It's been a while since we've talked about just how ugly caps can be on trucks. Okay, it's been a while since I talked about anything. I have been doing plenty of traveling, though, which means plenty of truck-watching. I even got an actual camera, so maybe soon we will be able to better bring to life some of the nation's best trucks. Anyhow, what got me thinking about ugly caps was this magnificent SUT:

It looks pretty ridiculous. Why? It's not a pickup truck! This is equivalent to putting a cap on an El Camino, which people actually do. By putting a cap on an SUT, you make it an SUV. Congratulations. I might recommend the Honda Pilot. If you really want to maximize the utility of the Ridgeline, you can add a hard cover (comes free on the Avalanche!).

For entertainment purposes, I'll share a couple other caps Jake and I have found recently. I'm guessing this one serves as a boiled peanut stand or something like that in the daytime. There's nothing wrong with doing work! He might be taking a hit in gas mileage, though.

Check this cap out! It's made entirely of hay, and you can't store anything inside it except hay:

Pickup Watching on a Bicycle: Part Two

As we established in the first iteration of this post, I sometimes ride a bicycle. As the miles roll by on the road, I often see great pickups that I would love to put on this blog, but alas, I am not quick enough to draw my phone. Many interesting trucks escape the short grasp of my POS camera phone. The other day, however, I spotted a truck that was parked in a nice neighborhood. The truck looked like a normal Super Duty Ford dually, but there was something "off" about it. I kept riding, but I turned to Zack, who was riding with me that day.

"Did you see that truck back there?" I asked.

"No, why?"
"It looked like a Ford truck with a van grill," I said with a bit of reservation. I must have been wrong, I thought. But what if I was right? "Lets go back and take a look," I said.

We turned around and went back to the worksite with the truck. Initially we were very confused. We've seen Vans (especially VWs) with the back of their roofs lopped off to make a pickup. We've seen trucks with weird aftermarket grills. Neither of us had ever seen anything quite like this:

There is no doubt that the cab was originally a van. And the bed certainly belongs to a truck. Evidently, what we have here is a Ford Econoline van cab paired with a F-350 Dually (4X4) rear end. This leads us to the obvious question: why? What does the van cab offer that a standard F-350 extended cab doesn't? Is it more luxurious? More roomy? No, I think there is likely an incredible story behind this van-truck.

Perhaps the owner of this gem once owned both an F-350 Dually and a Econoline Van. He had them both parked on his driveway side by side, with the van parked head in, and the truck backed in. A huge semi drove by late one night and destroyed the front half of the truck and the back of the van. The rest is history, I suppose. What would you do with the bed of a truck and the front half of a van?

Or maybe he owned the Van and was driving along one day when he was rear-ended by an F-350 Dually. The F-350's engine and cab wer destroyed. The back half of the van was wrecked beyond repair. Being uninsured, the F-350 owner gave the bed of his truck to the van owner, and they called it even.

I don't know how this happened, but I am very curious.

The Bus Truck

Take a deep breath, then look at this photo and take it in in its entirety.

Incredible. Absolutely incredible. What we have here is the product of crossbreeding a school bus (a "short bus" mind you) and a pickup truck. Certainly a PLV, not a true pickup. I've tried very hard to figure out its utility. When would it be advantageous to have a school bus that doubles as a pickup? Going on a rafting trip? Party bus with a deck/balcony in the back? Tailgating? I think the latter is more likely given that this is obviously stored in a Wake Forest University parking lot. I suppose you can't truly tailgate without a tailgate, so someone decided to put one (on a truck bed) on a bus. Anyone else have a better idea?

(Editor's Note: this appears to be the Wake Forest Demon Deacon Tailgate Bus. What's strange is that it's no bigger than a good overcompensating pickup truck...)

Decals

Way back in the '90s, pickup owners used to do strange things to their trucks. As if to show a truck's sportiness or to prove some uniqueness, its owner would plaster its sides with decals. Thankfully, this phenomenon has declined significantly in the new millennium (although Ford still does it to the Raptor, which shouldn't need decals). The strange part to me is that some of the ugliest trucks I have ever seen are made so by their decals, yet owners refuse to remove them. And here's the part where I feel like the host of "What Not to Wear" on TLC (yes, I frequently watch What Not to Wear; how else would I know what not to wear?). These are things your truck should not wear:

It almost looks like camouflage here...

This truck is at least clean, but who in the hell can drive that and pull it off?

Without the stripes, this would be a nice truck. With the stripes, it looks silly. Again, we do thank the owner for taking care of it. It's much cleaner than my truck is right now.

As I will show, small trucks have (since their birth) showed decals to show how sporty they are. This one says "SPORT" in little orange-brown letters.

Arguably a descendant of the truck above, this Nissan has very similar decals. This time they are much more specific and proclaim to the world that this massive truck is powered by a V6 - not just any V6, mind you, but the XE-V6. You can't deny that this truck would look better without the decals.

A final note on decals: "Let me be clear" that I don't have a problem with pinstripes. I don't even have a problem with racing stripes if they are done correctly (that means not on your S-10, even if it is an Xtreme). Decals start to look bad when more than 1-2% of your door is covered by them. This is true in all cases here, and if it's true for you, please consider removing some decals (send us a picture if you need help deciding).