Toyota Tacoma Drivers

Now that we've hit 1000 pageviews (500 by Jake and 500 by me), we're in business. And it's back to the business of describing truck owners as we see them. Now, Jake drives a Toyota Tacoma, so it's my job to tackle this one.

I'm going to be brutally honest - Tacoma drivers are practical, intelligent, and cost-conscious (that's not to say Tacomas are cheap). This makes them just about the only pickup drivers who are practical, intelligent, and cost-conscious. I'm not going to say any more about that. A Tacoma driver wants a truck for the right reason - to carry around lots of stuff in the bed. A Tacoma driver wants a truck that might cost a little extra up front, but it will last forever. And there's really not a lot else that goes into the decision making process (no testosterone, no emotion, no passion, etc.). Editors note: Tacoma drivers also hate America, so I'm told.

So what's the result? It's the nerd of pickup trucks. Let's not forget that we need nerds in the world! Here are two of my favorite examples of practical Tacomas:

(as featured on "Ugly Caps")


And this new one:

Now, ladies and gentlemen, I love this truck. I can only speculate as to how this happened, but I'm thinking this guy got smart and decided to downsize (he was probably tired of bartering off his children for gasoline). He needed his truck box because nobody was going to talk him into putting a cap on his Tacoma. Unfortunately, the box wouldn't fit the right way, so he couldn't go for the "winged S-10" look. But he was determined, so he just tossed the box in the other way, and there it sits. It's probably secured in there, but I didn't check. It's awkward enough to take pictures of people's trucks when they might be watching.

So don't forget: the Tacoma may be a little nerdy, but I'd rather a nerdy truck that does work than a Sassy Chassis that doesn't. And just for the record, I'll admit that Jake's Tacoma has pulled my Silverado out of the snow. Twice. It also pulled out a Fed-Ex truck (it was my idea, though).

3 Ways to Make Your Bed Useless

So it's been a while. I've been meaning to post for quite some time, mainly just to stop Zack's nagging, but that's another story... Anyhow, I was looking through my recent photos trying to find inspiration for this post when suddenly it came to me.

What do the following 3 trucks have in common?

Dodge Ram Daytona:

Step-side S-10 with a "tonneau" cover:

Hummer H1 (SUT):

Still thinking about what they have in common? Let's return to the purpose of the truck: to do work. Now, if we agree that a good truck can do good work, then none of these trucks are good. All right, first grade sentences aside, the commonality of these trucks is their lack of a useful bed. The whole point of the pickup truck is the bed. The thing is built around the bed. Without the bed, it would merely be a station wagon or an SUV. Yet these three trucks have been emasculated, castrated for no apparent reason.

Let's look at the Daytona first. More specifically, let's look at that enormous spoiler on its back. Helping to keep those rear wheels on the ground at 150 MPH? Unlikely. Now I'm no aeronautical engineer, but I have seen a Mythbusters episode where they examine the validity of a claim that driving with a tailgate down provides better gas mileage because it is more aerodynamic. The Mythbusters found this claim to be false because of the extremely turbulent flow behind the cab of a truck. So I find it hard to believe that there is a function to a spoiler on a truck. But let us think about the inconvenience that a spoiler causes. Any time you want to get into the bed to load it, you have to go under it, or over it. You must be careful not to scratch it with anything in the bed, so you must tie everything down. It limits bed space like a cap, only it doesn't provide the protection. Essentially, it's pointless. This owner, however, did manage to find a purpose for his emasculated bed:

Yes, that is a stroller. And yes, the man is a U.S. Marine.

But onward to the Chevy S-10. I wish that I could have taken a better picture of this truck, because it's a real winner. I wasn't driving (Editor's Note: this was Jake's first mistake, since the best truck pictures are taken while driving), and when I told the driver to get closer to that truck so that I could take a picture, she (yes, "she" was driving) didn't see a truck. That's because it's a dropped, step-side, regular cab S-10. I know of no smaller truck out there. It's shorter than most sedans. Hell, an El Camino dwarfs this thing! To add to its car-like appearances the owner had added a "tonneau" (I always put this word in quotes because it sounds ridiculously pretentious to say it the way it's meant to be said-- a soft first syllable and a hard second-- very French). Anyhow, this guy turned his already tiny bed into a trunk, and a small one at that. You can buy a sedan with more space in the trunk than this truck has in its bed.

Now you may be curious as to how I can describe a Hummer H1 as emasculated. It's not that the Hummer itself is emasculated, but the bed certainly is. This truck is definitely more SUT than pickup truck, but nonetheless there is a bed here. I am a bit confused as to what one is supposed to do with this bed. There is no tailgate, so anything you put there is going to fall out when you hit the gas on that 6.2 L engine. I think this truck has about the same utility as a Subaru Baja, only it gets a third of the gas mileage. I mean seriously, this truck has about the same capacity (both people and gear) as a Subaru. On second thought, it doesn't. I'm pretty sure that a Baja with a tailgate extender would have more utility than the bed of that Hummer.

Massachusetts

Usually, Jake and I take all the pictures you see on this blog. We are constantly on the lookout for the most interesting trucks we can bring to you, and I don't think we do too bad considering there are only two of us to capture all those trucks. However, this doesn't mean we won't accept pictures from our readers, especially if they look like this:

This was taken (I'm told) in the great state of Massachusetts, where men are made of steel and trucks are made of...I don't really know what that is. I wish I had seen this with my own two eyes. I really can't figure it out by looking at this picture. I've spent several minutes now, and you can too. Please enjoy this until Jake's next post, which will probably be in a couple months.

State of the Union

As I was waiting for Jake to post again (which he hasn't done), I decided to go for a drive and scope out the state of the union (Pickup Nation that is) for myself. After all the ranting, I feel that it's necessary for us to get an idea of where we stand before we continue with the stereotyping of the brands. So I took a look around, and I found all sorts of good stuff going on:

Nothing makes me happier than seeing trucks do work, even if it is more work for the rear suspension than anything else. That's one point for us (generic "us," the opposite of "them").

It's hard to see here, but this truck has a red ball as a hood ornament. I'm about 90% sure that they were going for the Rudolph look. It's February. One point for "them."

This is the biggest rack I've ever seen (on a pickup truck). From this view it looks like it's holding up the overpass, but it actually holds tires. Since he's doing work, it's another one in the us column.

This truck is quite ambiguous. From behind, I was sure I had found a Maryland Truck (once I realized it wasn't an Excursion). But as I got closer, I realized there are several problems: the truck has no lift, no expensive chrome wheels, and the cap has no windows. It's a half-ass Maryland Truck. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I don't know. No points for either side.

I just couldn't make up my mind about this one, either. Jake has gone over how difficult it is to make a cap look good on a stepside truck. All things considered, this cap doesn't look bad. It's the right color and the right size, and it doesn't make the ugly truck any uglier. But we can't endorse an ugly truck, so there are no points here either.

And finally, my favorite:

This truck embodies the state of the union (Pickup Nation) because it's a "show truck" that's just not a show truck. It has aftermarket wheels, but they look like the same size as stock wheels, meaning someone thought it was a good idea to pay extra for wheels of the same size. It has some chrome trim, but my favorite part is the taillight cover. That's right, there's only one taillight cover. And the bonus: the bumper sticker. You can't read it because of my camera phone, but it says, "My child was inmate of the month at county jail." This truck has its flaws, as any good truck should, and I get the feeling it actually gets used for work (even though it does have a bumper hitch). One more point for us.

Final Tally: Us: 3 Them: 1

This means that the state of our union is pretty darn good. 3 out of 4 ain't bad, so long live this pickup nation. Keep up the good work!