Bumper Stickers, etc.

In my months of observing the nation's pickups, I have seen many entertaining bumper stickers. Here I will bring up a few that stand out in my mind.

We have all seen cars plastered with bumper stickers. Usually the car is worth less than a tank of fuel (at today's prices, that includes quite a few cars) and the stickers say things like MAKE LOVE NOT WAR and HILLARY '12. But when you see a pickup covered in stickers, you can bet that it stands on the other side of the issues...especially when it has an American flag flying in the bed:

It's too bad the stickers are so hard to read here. Suffice it to say that they are all very witty (e.g. "Government Health Care Makes Me Sick") and very conservative. This is a true Tea Partier (is that the proper term?) and he is proud of it. We are proud of him for being proud. With people as strong in their beliefs and as unwilling to compromise them as this man, our Pickup Nation will no doubt last forever.

Here's one that worries me slightly more:

As the resident Chevy expert, I can tell you that Chevrolet has used the slogan "Heartbeat of America" in years past. It's pretty catchy and all, and lots of stickers, license plates, etc. are still around that say "Heartbeat" and things of that nature. Naturally, there are anti-Chevy stickers that might say something like, for example, "THE Heartbeat STOPS HERE!" Old Billy Badass put one on the back of his F-150, and Asshole Al put one on his Ram next to the "Yeah, it's got a Hemi" sticker. But it never occurred to me that Dumbass Dave would think it a good idea to put an anti-Chevy sticker on the back of his Silverado, right next to his gigantic red bowtie sticker. Nicely done, Dave. At least some people will see the humor in your mistake.

And lastly, this gem continues to baffle me:

On this Tacoma, there is a large picture of a Concorde (supersonic airliner) on the tailgate, and the license plate says TAKEOFF. I just wonder how this person came to be so attached to a now-retired airplane or to aviation in general. I will probably ponder the meaning of this pickup truck's decorations for the rest of my life, but something tells me I'm overthinking it. To each his own, as they say. (There is also a sticker in the window that says "WAR: it doesn't decide who's right, only who's left." I'll save that one for another day.)

In Search of Pickup Life

Lately I have been pondering the potential life span of a blog written entirely about pickup trucks. In fact, you, the reader, may have wondered if indeed our documentation of this great Pickup Nation was complete. I am pleased to tell you (after quite a while of telling you nothing) that as long as people drive pickup trucks, we will write about them. "We" is currently me, as Jake's in Canada hunting polar bears or something.

Regardless, I came to this conclusion while taking a short road trip from Atlanta to Nashville (not as short as you might think). This region is known not just for country music and whiskey but for its pickup trucks.  All my doubts about the nation were erased when I rolled into Nashville:

As bad as the picture is, you can clearly see a Ford jacked to the sky with huge exhaust pipes exhaling into the heavens above. As long as this truck is on the road, Pickup Nation will remain free. This picture will forever remind me of the day when I rediscovered our great nation.

On the whole, my trip opened my eyes to the pickups that are all around me, like this fuchsia colored S-10:

...and this beautiful step-side Chevy with a fade paint job:

This Ranger wasn't built for show:

...and neither was its big brother:

Perhaps my favorite truck, though, was this old flatbed with a style all its own:

What keeps all these pickup drivers going? I don't know, but I can tell you what doesn't: ethanol! In the deepest reaches of Pickup Nation, ethanol belongs only in a mason jar and is consumed only by the men. Companies that try to sneak it into gasoline (thereby hurting fuel economy AND wasting good moonshine) are NOT welcome in these parts. In the words of a country song, "we don't buy that here:"

My favorite gas station sign from the trip has nothing to do with pickup trucks, but a PSA from Mr. Toilet Paper is almost as important:

...and yes, the restroom was clean. Damn clean.